We can sit around and blame Millennials for being lazy, eating too much avocado toast and bingeing Netflix until their eyes bleed, but we can at least thank them for one thing. Thanks to technology (and the horny Millennials that use it), a whole new genre of sex positions now exists.
If you’re looking to spice things up in the bedroom, check out these new technology-based sex positions. By the end, everything else will feel so primitive.
10. Snoop Bloggy Blog
Sorry Snoop—doggy style is so 1993. It’s 2017, which means if we don’t post something on the internet, how will anyone know if it happens?
That’s why you should try this new “Bloggy Style” sex position. It allows you to blog real-time updates on your sex life and also use your partner as a human work desk.
9. Get Creative With Multi-Tasking
We all love our devices, but let’s face it, they also make more work for us. From scrolling through our Instagram feed to catching up on Netflix shows, we’re simply short on time these days. So when you’re having sex, grab a third partner and put those extra hands to work.
All three of you can get off physically, while simultaneously having peace of mind that you’re caught up on everything.
8. Let Him Practice In Peace
Ladies, give your man some credit for trying down there. His tongue technique might be all wrong, but it’s the effort that really counts. Instead of getting bored or frustrated, use this time to pick up your Kindle and get caught up on your latest e-book. As an added bonus, Brody can work on his tongue tickling.
7. Vine Is Dead But Not Forgotten
Vine may be gone, but let its influence live on in your sex life. Take your favorite sexual technique and just loop it over and over again in six-second intervals.
Like many Vine users, it doesn’t matter if your technique sucks. Just keep repeating it—if you’re lucky, something might happen.
6. Sex By Dre
Having a little trouble with rhythm and stamina? No problem! Just slip on your headphones, pick your favorite tune and let the beats bang you to and fro.
5. The Vibration Of Life
If you’re a 90s kid, you probably figured out that vibrating video game controllers have more than just one use.
The next time your girl is bored watching you play video games, grab an extra controller. Stick it down where the sun don’t shine and get on with your entertainment.
4. Making 69 Great Again
69ing is a tried-and-true method, but sometimes, the view isn’t all that great. By using your smartphone while 69ing, you can get on all of your favorite apps while still getting off.
Bored of your partner’s face? Easily solved. Just grab an iPad, tape it to their head, and open Instagram. Scroll until you see a face you like and start banging away.
2. No Responsibility Necessary
Relationships are great, but all that responsibility sucks. With this new sex position, you can eliminate nearly all contact but stay in the relationship.
Simply lie in bed, open up your computers and watch the same video on two separate devices. If either of you wants to masturbate, go for it.
1. The Selfie Sensation
Sometimes you don’t always have a partner lying around to have sex with. In that case, take a selfie.